Monday, January 3, 2011
Day 3 of 2011...getting deep.....
So i'm sitting here and its January 3rd 2011 and i'm bored out of my mind, so i decided to blog. Im listening to Kelly Clarkson's song, If noone will listen......Its a very good moving song if you haven't heard it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dNDCu3eK_8&feature=related ... I think people often wonder why i play so many sad/love songs...what people dont understand and i have never cared to explain to to anyone is i dont relate all love/heartbreak songs to relationships, they can mean so much more! A song that says "you made me stronger, you made me cry, you made me cautious" songs like a girl whose gone through a break up but what if i relate that to me and my mom or me and my aunt....Its not oh look at her supposedly happy and married carrying on about her ex's...no not at all, take a minute and ask me why i like that song and you would see there is a deeper meaning. To be blunt, and i apologize for language, Ive been through a LOT of shit in my life and im only 25. I keep it all held in and I try to keep up these walls and not let anyone in ... ive seen counselors and ive seen therapists, they dont help me...like what i really need is someone i dont know prying into my deepest darkest secrets? I THINK NOT! This is where it would benefit to have more girlfriends, it seems when i am down i have no one to turn to and no shoulder to cry on except my husband. Now dont get me wrong i love him and the fact that hes here for me, but somethings i dont wanna go to him about. Maybe i just need to sit down and have a cry session..let it all out see if i feel better. I just need someone to talk to and not be judges and not be criticized and let me say what i need to say and tell me it will be ok! Well im signing off, im sleepy, so goodnight all and i will write more later....
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Songs for Thought....
For those of you who know me well, you know Songs have deep meanings to me... I can find ways to relate songs to my life all the time....now sometimes I leave them as they are...and sometimes I change the words to fit my life...
Below are some song lyrics, some with explanations and some without (you can try to figure those out yourself)
Sometimes I think about you
Wonder if you're out there somewhere thinking bout me
And would you even recognize
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be
Cause I look in the mirror and all I see
Are your green eyes looking back at me
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all...
Oh, I hear the weather's nice down in Florida
There's sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Ohio
I wonder what you'd say to me
I think about how it ain't fair
That you weren't ever there
Like fathers do
You weren't around to cheer me on
Watch me go to my high school prom
Like fathers do
no you were never here
To hold my hand
To dry my tears
Did you even miss me through the years at all
Forgiveness is such a simple word
But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt
Oh, I hear the weather's nice down in Florida
And just in case you're wondering about me
Im still here in Ohio
And would you even recognize
The woman that your little girl has grown up to be
Cause I look in the mirror and all I see
Are your green eyes looking back at me
They're the only thing you ever gave to me at all...
Oh, I hear the weather's nice down in Florida
There's sunny skies as far I can see
If you ever come back home to Ohio
I wonder what you'd say to me
I think about how it ain't fair
That you weren't ever there
Like fathers do
You weren't around to cheer me on
Watch me go to my high school prom
Like fathers do
no you were never here
To hold my hand
To dry my tears
Did you even miss me through the years at all
Forgiveness is such a simple word
But it's so hard to do when you've been hurt
Oh, I hear the weather's nice down in Florida
And just in case you're wondering about me
Im still here in Ohio
your little girl is all...
your little girls' all grown, wish you could see...
(now for those of you who know me, you know not to judge the lyrics of this song...I got lucky to have a wonderful man in my life who chose to be my father, but theres always that curiosity about the father i never knew)
Notice me take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?
Every time I try to fly
I fall
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?
Every time I try to fly
I fall
without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
And every time I try to fly
I fall
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
And every time I try to fly
I fall
without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry
At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away
And every time I try to fly
I fall
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry
At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away
And every time I try to fly
I fall
without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And every time I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
This one is a very special song with a very special meaning to me..brings tears "Everytime"
and last but not least...i think 3's enough for tonight....
I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
'Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you, I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When i've watched all that you have dealt with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you, I am afraid
I watched you die, I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young, you should have known
Better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
'Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you, I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When i've watched all that you have dealt with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you, I am afraid
I watched you die, I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young, you should have known
Better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
and now i cry in the middle of the night
for THE SAME DAMN THING....
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget EVERYTHING
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you, I am afraid......
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget EVERYTHING
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you, I am afraid......
BECAUSE OF YOU....
so this song goes very VERY deep, and i dont care to disclose who its about but it is THE PERFECT SONG FOR ME!
Welcome 2011!
So for New Years this year we went to our neighbors and friends, JJ and Theresas house. It was a small get together with some friends and we made it home by 11:30 to sit on the couch and ring in the new year just us 4!
Lidiya and Lexiah getting ready to go to the new years eve party at JJ and Theresas house!
Collene, Myself, Theresa and Lexiah!Kylee and Myself!
Midnight! HAPPY NEW YEARS!Hope you all Had a Happy New Year with the ones you love like I got so lucky to do!
moving my posts from my former blog to my new one!
FRIDAY, JULY 17, 2009
Day 1...
As I sit here staring out the window, All I see is green...I feel a cool breeze, for it has just rained, which is a nice change from the everyday heat. I look down at my baby Lexi, who is getting so big! Almost 4 months old already....i just had her yesterday. (it seems) She looks up at me and has the cutest smile, making everything that's wrong disappear. How can someone so little, make such a big impact on my life....After looking in on Lidiya, who's taking her nap, she looks so calm, so peaceful so at ease....Then I take a look at the world and its such a complicated place to live in. Ive lived a rough life, contrary to belief, my life is not nor has it been a walk in the park. Ive had my ups, Ive had my downs, do I want pity..no, I don't want anyone to pity me, EVER....I just hope that I can make my daughters life fun and a little easier than mine has been, and I want to protect them from some of the bad in the world. I've learned that "letting it all go" sometimes, helps me feel better. Its just day 1...of this new blog journey for me, so we wont get into everything today...maybe little by little....and advice and comments from friends, family, and who ever cares to read this can be helpful I'm sure! On the positive, only 369 days till our wedding! YAY!
SATURDAY, JULY 18, 2009
Day 2...
It is day 2 of my blogging adventure and i am sitting here while the baby sleeps! Lidiya went to golf with ray (how cute) its their first time going golfing, daddy and lidi! Hopefully he takes pictures... I cant really relax because im on edge about the feud I'm havin with ray! Seems about every 2 - 3 months we have the SAME EXACT fight...and i end up caving and shut my mouth and let it go....theres no winning with him. I'M trying hard to be happy in this situation, but certain things kinda seem to be in the way! I wont go into to many details, ill just say lets hope for my sake and my sanity things get better FAST! On the flip side, theres only 368 days till the wedding! WHOO HOO! Got the caterer takin care of and the Dj...now looking at photographers....Boy oh boy is planning a wedding stressful! Were gunna head to clays park in a little bit to see my mom and hang for awhile and get away! That should be fun....have i mentioned i have a toothache? NO well i do, it hurts real bad! I really just hope everything works itself out so that we can all be happy. Its not fair for one person to give up their happiness or set it aside so that someone else is happy....and on that note, some people need to learn when its time to mind their own business and just plain butt out!
Day 1...
As I sit here staring out the window, All I see is green...I feel a cool breeze, for it has just rained, which is a nice change from the everyday heat. I look down at my baby Lexi, who is getting so big! Almost 4 months old already....i just had her yesterday. (it seems) She looks up at me and has the cutest smile, making everything that's wrong disappear. How can someone so little, make such a big impact on my life....After looking in on Lidiya, who's taking her nap, she looks so calm, so peaceful so at ease....Then I take a look at the world and its such a complicated place to live in. Ive lived a rough life, contrary to belief, my life is not nor has it been a walk in the park. Ive had my ups, Ive had my downs, do I want pity..no, I don't want anyone to pity me, EVER....I just hope that I can make my daughters life fun and a little easier than mine has been, and I want to protect them from some of the bad in the world. I've learned that "letting it all go" sometimes, helps me feel better. Its just day 1...of this new blog journey for me, so we wont get into everything today...maybe little by little....and advice and comments from friends, family, and who ever cares to read this can be helpful I'm sure! On the positive, only 369 days till our wedding! YAY!
SATURDAY, JULY 18, 2009
Day 2...
It is day 2 of my blogging adventure and i am sitting here while the baby sleeps! Lidiya went to golf with ray (how cute) its their first time going golfing, daddy and lidi! Hopefully he takes pictures... I cant really relax because im on edge about the feud I'm havin with ray! Seems about every 2 - 3 months we have the SAME EXACT fight...and i end up caving and shut my mouth and let it go....theres no winning with him. I'M trying hard to be happy in this situation, but certain things kinda seem to be in the way! I wont go into to many details, ill just say lets hope for my sake and my sanity things get better FAST! On the flip side, theres only 368 days till the wedding! WHOO HOO! Got the caterer takin care of and the Dj...now looking at photographers....Boy oh boy is planning a wedding stressful! Were gunna head to clays park in a little bit to see my mom and hang for awhile and get away! That should be fun....have i mentioned i have a toothache? NO well i do, it hurts real bad! I really just hope everything works itself out so that we can all be happy. Its not fair for one person to give up their happiness or set it aside so that someone else is happy....and on that note, some people need to learn when its time to mind their own business and just plain butt out!
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